Stoney Heart

I will have to post about it tomorrow cause its getting to late but work was an absolute blast, busy hectic frantic scary, etc but absolutely so much fun. many other people might not think so but I do so estatic right now, just what I needed :)

When your on the loo and your housemate is on the other one right next to you and it’s silent ( am I the only one who finds this embarrassing?)

When you have called the dr to come and see a pt early and you are waiting

Having blocked estation tubes is not extremely fun :(

The last couple of days I’ve eaten pretty much everything in sight I wouldn’t be surprised if I have put on 5kgs :( I know I’m just having a pity party and im probably going to snap out of it tomorrow but tonight I don’t care

Today is one of them. Today I allowed the drs to discharge a pt who I had a feeling was not ready to go home, 5 hrs later he comes back in via ambulance with the possibility that he isnt going to survive, in reality it isnt really my fault as I wasn’t the person who made the decision to send him home but I should have made more of an effort to convince the drs, I should have picked up that some of his symptoms wernt cause he was old ( I don’t know what’s wrong or whether he is ok but I don’t think he is) on top of this I had a nurse be a total hard arse and question everything making me feel like an ant :( glad I have 2 days off

I’m a little frustrated that I havnt lost weight. I totally understand that it’s only been 4 days and yesterday my eating wasn’t that good but I would have thought that I would have lost at least a little bit. I suppose the point of this journey is to control my eating and in the process lose weight but I suppose I dont see the progress and this annoys me. I just need to not eat as much processed food. I’m always within my points but I’m still eating a lot of bread and not enough fruit and veg and protein might do a protein shake for breakfast tomorrow cause it’s quick easy and I need to use the peanut butter. I just need to preserver

im not really upset that they wont be there its more that they use the same excuses every time and there really lame and getting old. I dont care that you cant leave the dogs alone over night take them to the kennel. I dont care that you dont like driving at night you can either stay the night or come with other members of the family. I may sound heartless and ungreatful but its the same excuses every time for the last 15-20yrs its to the point that I dont invite them to things. I just thought that this time was different considering its my 21st and its kind of a big deal apparently but obviously not. ill be lucky to get a birthday card it will probably  be sent to my home address anyway grr really upset. I bawled for 30mins this afternoon because of it. I replied to an email that dad sent me about it, I thought i was being quite restrained in what i thought we will see what he says what he says 

On the plus side I think I’ve lost all of my water retention :) I feel skinnier today at least

I am surprised on how well I’m going I cant say that I have done the best job at writing down what I eat but I have mentally tracked it and been within my daily limit it will be interesting to see what the end of the week holds I still need to work on my self control because that is still an issue but overall I’m please with how it is all going. If only work would pick up then I would have something to do lol it’s one extreme to the next at the moment

Today has been interesting busy tiering and good :), I unfortunately didnt get a lot of sleep last night due to the ball didnt get home untile 1am (opps :P) but suprisingly was able to get up and get ready for work before 8 and be semi functioning, it took me a while to wake up but i had to quite quickly because we had 2 ambulance calls within the space of around an hour, both in different directions so it meant that both our ambo’s we on a call which I dont think has happened since I have been there. I will probably write about an interesting case later on but at the moment this is just a recap. work was non stop I didnt really get time for a break but I really enjoyed today and it was great experience, I am really glad that I am working tomorrow afternoon and not morning though so I can get a decent sleep in. eating was ok I am within my daily limit but i probably should have swapped my snacks for something more substantial at dinner I spose we live and learn :) 

but there is one thing that has bothered me, I bought some weight watchers deserts to have as a treat. well I was craving some chocolate so I had one it was yummy and I didnt regret it. afterwards I said thats it, thats all im eating until dinner. 

a couple of hours later I then went back for the second one and had that too. it doesnt bother me that i ate the sundae per say as I will still be within my points even if it took a couple from the weekly budget but… I said that I wasnt going to have any more so that should mean no more. it doesnt matter that my points allowed it or that i was craving sugar one of the reasons im in this predicament of having to loose 40kgs (ok probably 30 to be in the top of the healthy range) is because I cant say no. I was going to put peanut butter in my protein shake tonight before I go out so that I dont pig out when I get there. but I think that I will only use protein powder in my shake. partly so that it doesnt use up as many points but also to prove to myself that I can say no and that i dont give in all of the time. I can do this im not going to give up on day one